the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.