there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.