I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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