I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship