i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?