Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
