Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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