Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
