So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
