Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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