I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
