saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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