The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
