im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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