new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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