I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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