I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
BRING THE BAGELS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
