Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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