I have demons in me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
