also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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