fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
