Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We are all done wearing pants today
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
