Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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