She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
