just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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