Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found puke in my bra..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
