So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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