listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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