I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
