You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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