We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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