Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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