dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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