it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
