She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He better not be in your backpack
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
