ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
