Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
