And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
