our cab driver is having phone sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
