is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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