I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
