i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
