She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
