we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
