If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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