I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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