Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
