1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
