Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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