Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
