So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
