i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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