well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
