In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish i was in the wii world.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
