I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
