Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
