i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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