Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
