i just had sex bonerless
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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