just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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