South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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