cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize