i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
