In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
