If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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