Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
