Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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