apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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