based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
