The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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