i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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