whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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