i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
