Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize