My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
