Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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