I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My liver just broke up with me...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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