He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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