My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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