So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
