You just made me feel so damn special
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
